america's next top self-loather

As long-time readers will remember, I love me some America's Next Top Model, even though it is but a pale shadow of its original awesomeness. Tyra Banks, in particular, has lapsed entirely into dramatic-pausing, eyelash-batting self-parody. This season was a little strange for me, since I didn't care about it at all until the last five or so episodes, and then I really cared. I loved both Danielle and Joanie, but, since I loved Danielle just a little bit more, I'm extra happy she won.

All that being said, there is one aspect of this season that I found a little...troubling. In a thinly veiled attempt to distract viewers from the fact that Danielle was blatantly going to win, Tyra kept harping on Danielle's thick Arkansas accent, saying that someone with such a blatant regional accent could never get a Cover Girl contract. I would be willing to buy that analysis except for one big problem: last season's winner, Nicole.

If you didn't watch this season of Top Model, you missed Nicole's "My Life as a Cover Girl" ads.* Nicole is a very, very pretty girl, but she has an appalling North Dakota accent. It's about three levels deeper than the Minnesota/Wisconsin accent that everyone jokes about. She sounds like Frances McDormand in Fargo. If we're going to get on people for regional accents, Nicole should be at the top of the hit list. And yet, Tyra never said boo about her extended vowels and, in one episode, went so far as to praise her voice. Nicole's accent is as thick as Danielle's, but there's one important difference: Nicole's accent is stereotypically white, Danielle's is steroetypically black. I'm not calling Tyra Banks a racist. I'm just sayin'.

*: By the WAY, if anyone involved with the production of Top Model somehow happens to read this, please hear my plea: get rid of "My Life as a Cover Girl" and bring back the "Beauty Tip of the Week". That was comedy gold.